OUTFIT # 59: What Next
"This is the hardest time of your life." That's what an older friend of mine recently told me. I thought that was a little dramatic, but now I'm wondering if he was right. My college career is ending. Along with it my life of school and studying. I should be celebrating but I don't know how to live without deadlines. Once I graduate I'm at the cliffs edge. That's it. Decades of schooling behind me.
I told my professor I wanted to get another degree. Graduate and go straight back to school. He asked me why I don't do something fun. Something I want to do. What the heck do I want to do? I want to travel and write and not die of starvation; that'd be cool. I wish I could be an eccentric vagabond traveling the globe with a camera and wifi making friends, art, and memories but maybe that's asking too much. They say the world owes you nothing, but because of that you deserve everything it has to offer.
Will crippling anxiety bring you down, keep you from what you really want? Probably.
I'm trying to keep my goals actually achievable. Traveling by train is cheap. I could write freelance which is a one way ticket to a cold cardboard box. Or sell my soul to a cubicle. Just another, more stable cardboard box. Still cold though. I think of every person in my life (the older and wiser ones) reading this, shaking their heads thinking, "I remember when I too felt the dense weight of world. Hah-hah."
This too shall pass. The dramatics, I mean.
Because, actually, I'll never be as free as I am now. Or will be after I graduate. Living at home, no bills (or few bills), no children (two dogs), no job (which could be an up or a down as this also means no money), no responsibilities. I have my family, my faith and me. There will never be another moment like this in my life. This is what it means to be in your twenties. So I guess I just have to figure out, what next?