Outfit # 69: Feelin' 22
I’m now having the realization that “destiny is in my hands” and that only I carry “the reigns” and “the real world” is “scary” and T Swift didn’t mention any of this in her hit single “Feelin’ 22.”
Seeing my friends with offices and nameplates is a little unsettling. Especially when I think about how I’m sitting at my desk wearing heart printed pajama pants not making money or “contributing to society.”
Making money has been on my mind a lot recently. I went from three steady income sources to one. I was never “living large” but I was also not worried about putting gas in the tank, and you can interpret that metaphorically if you want. But nothing, and I mean nothing at this moment motivates me to “job search” because I have never wanted a “job.” This is a very liberal arts distinction, but I’ve always considered my work “career building” not a “job.” That being said, there are significant and disturbing moments where I am overcome with jealously of my friends who do have steady jobs, places where they learn new skills and meet people and get to do stuff AND make money. Then a job doesn’t seem so bad and I feel like a pretentious trash bag.
But I have made a decision. If there ever was a time where I could not die from being poor, this is the time. I have no excuse not to try… freelance writing and other miscellaneous creative pursuits. That pains me to write. Especially in a public forum. How embarrassing it is to cling to a dream and document a dramatic fall, rise or stagnation. (Who knows which it will be?)
By the end of the year I might have one of those glorious, repulsive, necessary, fulfilling job things. Actually, now that I think about it I probably will. But for now I’ll try this. I’ll “give it my best go” and “stay true to myself” and try to contain my “fear and enthusiasm.”
This outfit is sponsored by the serendipitous act of thrifting. I had a vision of a velvet dress. I wanted one but I was by no means going to pay full price for one because I like a challenge. For a few weeks I pined silently and then made my move. My patience paid off. I found this incredible rich green velvet dress at Goodwill. I couldn’t believe it. It was too big and smelled like an attic, but gosh darn, it was mine. It’s still too big, but a few washings knocked the smell out. I had thoughts of donating it to some sort of high-end tent factory, but I can’t. This Jacqueline Ferrar is a treasure and testament to serendipity. Paired with worn out boots and heavy knit legwarmers, which conveniently disguise plush fuzzy socks, this dress looks less overwhelming and more purposeful. Top it off with chains and dramatic faux fur and now I look like I’m going somewhere to do something.